Do you still use that “list” when looking for a potential partner?
We all joke and play or seen someone post on social media or even know a friend that falls fast for someone.
Me myself I always say “give me 3-5 business days and if I don’t love him by then, he ain’t it.”
🤣I know when talking to our close friends or associates we normally talk about what we want or desire in a man/woman, some of us may even have an imaginary list of what we are looking for in our potential partner but how many of us actually stick to the list?
I know with me I’m not usually strict with what my partner needs to have or what I want in a person as much as I stick to the list of what I wouldn’t tolerate in my mate/relationship.
Really quick think about your current mate or your previous mate if you’re single. Pull up that list that you said this person must posses in order for you to want to talk to him/her. How may of those things match?
Most of us will find that our partner do not posses many of those things we thought we absolutely wanted them to have.
Have you ever wondered why? 💭 In my opinion it’s because LOVE USUALLY WIN!
Not only will your partner not posses many of those things on your “list” but we will also actually find ourself dealing with someone total opposite of what we thought we wanted.
Somethings that used to be on my list was things I realized don’t even matter when really looking for a mate like:
- He had to be tall
- I like them light skin
- Good communication skills
- Good listener
- Had to drive.
- Gotta live on his own
As I got older and realized I was dating short, darker men who didn’t have their own car but could drive and didn’t have their own place but I did so it still worked out I learned to rearrange and take somethings off the list. Also as I began to date more I realized those physical and material things didn’t matter at all when falling for someone and really loving someone. His height, skin complexion, or a car meant nothing if he was an asshole! I also realized that making that list, no one is going to posses EVERY SINGLE CHARACTERISTIC, not ever! So you gotta figure out what things you could pass on and what things they absolutely have to posses. Because as I stated above some if not most of those characteristics on the list won’t matter if they don’t posses other important things that absolutely should!
The more you date, the more you fall in love or even in lust you find out that personality, how he/she treat you, how they treat their family, their goals, accomplishments, attitude, and vibe is more important than height, weight, cars and cribs. You find out that a person you are really feeling and falling for, you’ll be willing to help them get the things you want them to posses, you’ll overlook what you consider them to “lack” if they posses a more important characteristic.
Am I happy? Tend to be at the top of the list and “he has to be at least 6’2” is slowly pushed to the bottom of the list.
Am I saying we should settle or just because we are heart eyes over someone that we should stray away from our list? Absolutely not! because there is still that list of things you won’t tolerate. Do not get rid of or lower your standards (being under the assumption they are not too high) just because your eyes are not being logical and can’t detect what that person is actually about and only what that person look like. What I’m saying is you should be able to swap out or replace some of the “silly” things in that list with things that’s more important. You shouldn’t be crossing things out without replacing them with better characteristics.
What are some characteristics that make you fall for someone? How fast do you normally fall? Are you that “at first sight” person or “it’s been 2 years let me test this out type person?” Does height make you fall overnight or the way y’all vibe amazingly?
In the comments below let me know if you have a list? What was some “not so important” characteristics you had/have in your list?
What are some characteristics that pushed those “ridiculous” wants to the bottom?
What were/are you willing to overlook ?
Do you stick to “what you want in a mate” or “what you don’t want/ wouldn’t tolerate in a mate” more?
Let’s talk!!!
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