All Things Sy

  About 3 months ago I started experiencing some real deep health issues. Ive been in the ICU twice and admitted over 10 times. I never lost my faith in God but I wasn’t praying or opening my heart, mind, or mouth to talk to God. I love him so much and the weight was there on my shoulders to talk to him. Most times all I could do was cry. Thinking about my mom, and my daughter and my siblings and friends. Thinking about the goals I still needed to accomplish, the setbacks I was in and experiencing. I would get on social media and ask for prayers because I know that would keep the door open to the relationship I had with God. I deem myself as a good person. So I never understand why I go through so much. But I have to start looking at things differently, looking at things like WHY NOT ME? God I want to be the one people look at and say “if he did it for Sy”. So tonight I got back!   A week ago my mother and daughter and I was in 5 below and she purchased this book for me titled...

  We go through so much, and maybe it’s just me, maybe you don’t go through anything. Maybe you don’t have children yet, maybe your responsibility list is crazy short. But I know my list even before I added Kam on my plate was overwhelming. I’ve always been the type of person where asking for help was the last thing on my list. I actually just had a little “put me in my place“ talk with my dad because I texted and asked him for something and before I got to the point I stated that “I hate to ask you for this.” lol,     He was not happy with that because he never understand why I don’t ask him for help. I had to explain to him that it’s not just him it’s everyone. I have always been the little girl, the teenager, the young adult, the adult, the maturing adult that was/is scared of rejection. I was never with being told no. I was never the one that mindset was “all they can do is say no.” you had to be a person that was absolutely telling me YES!   If I ever conjured u...

  Everyday I’m fighting   Fighting an urge to love you.  Silencing a loud roar that wants to break out of me.  You make me feel strange.  You make me feel like I’m lacking something.  You make me feel like there is something wrong with me.  You make me feel like I did something wrong.... What is it that I lack? What was it that I did? What’s wrong? With me?  I think I need to give you space..... Maybe you could use some distance... Maybe time apart will fix this.... The problem is I don’t know.... I have to assume that maybe there’s something there that won’t grow, it won’t work, I can’t fix..... Somewhere in here the truth is lacking.... The fact that I have to assume drives me crazy  Because I don’t know.... What if it’s nothing... What if I’m just overthinking  Words... Actions  Interpreting lacking all wrong The In between  The wait time...  what if I read it wrong... Reading it wrong..... What if I’m longing for it so...

 My beautiful baby girl Kamryn is 16 months old. She’s the best thing that has ever happened to me because I purely and wholeheartedly prayed for her. God promised her to me and when the timing was perfect he blessed me with her. For the last 3 months I’ve been fighting tooth and nail with this illness and I’ve spent a lot of time with her being out of work but also away from her being hospitalized. Right now emotionally I am a wreck! My baby girl is a super energetic, full of life, biggest personally having 1 year old I’ve ever met. When I’m around her it’s a roller Coaster ride to the crazy house (Laugh out Loud). Being away from my baby because I’m sick, I’m hospitalized, I don’t have the strength to mommy is emotionally damaging. Being hospitalized, she is my motivation to getting out! She is the goal I have set to achieve. 1. I must get home to my baby girl! Before she was apart of my life being hospitalized took a toll on my mental but it wasn’t as deep. I only had me to worr...